Old House Dream Sequence

This dream is weird. I dreamed about the same subject not a few months ago, but in a different context. Before I forget the whole of it, I am writing it down.

The subject was our old house in Parañaque. The house was spacious enough to hold rehearsals for two different plays simultaneously, and clean enough to go barefoot in it. We rented that house for 15 years, and had to move out for financial reasons. Hence, our permanent residence is now in Laguna. As a child, I faced much difficulty in parting with the house, and the world that came with it - having to ride a school bus, my busmates, neighborhood friends, the short distance to school, the routine, the dogs, the playground, the peace, -- everything.

Last night, I dreamed about that house. We were having some sort of a rehearsal for a play. It was full of familiar faces. The venue was our old house. 

The appearance of the house changed drastically. Its mini garden was no longer a garden. It was cleared out and replaced with resin-coated flooring, extending up to the garage. The inside sported a dance studio flooring (reminds me of the SSC Performing Arts Room), from the old marble tiles that it had. The divisions were a lot more different... It made the house look bigger, and cleaner? I did not remember seeing the 2nd floor though.

So it's as if we still live there, while confronted with the same need to leave the house. This time, I was trying to think of the things that I can already do. Like, work and sustain the rent (The most unthinkable call center idea came into my head). I was squeezing out renting info from my mom, asking her about how much is the rent etc. 

I remembered that I was thinking of several things before that other sequence that is still within that dream and with the same context - I was crying. That unstoppable outpouring. Several people came to look at me, watch me cry. They just watched. Some asked me why. I remember that there were 5 or 4 people around me, randomly positioned as if in a normal daily school setting - sitting or leaning on the railings. And I was there crying... Wearing a pink tank top and crying.

And I forgot the rest of it.

Weird...

Maybe, for some reasons some dormers who stay in rooms overlooking the LRT-2 railways have been throwing their garbage at the tracks. Oh well, in that specific dormitory building x, each of these have been posted on the room doors:

"Throwing your garbage at the LRT Railways is strictly prohibited...blah blah blah..."

Well, once I saw it, I get the picture. I cannot be totally sure. But if my deductions are true, I don't know see any logic working on the idea that you have to throw your garbage at the railways...I believe that in that dormitory, there are trash bins reliable enough for the residents to throw theirs in and there is no need for them to scatter and dirty the railways with it.

Probably, trip lang.
Parang pagdidikit ng bubble gum sa ilalim ng arm chair kahit break time naman at walang teacher na pipigil sa paglalakad mo papunta sa sulok na may basurahan.

Sheer problem concerning discipline and culture... You know...

***

Masaya magcommute.
Knowing MRT and LRT routes are sisiw.
Actually there are faster and less-time consuming ways to get to places without the use of these things.

After college, I did not move out. So i have been living in the same place for years already. That includes not staying with my parents, and looking after myself.

Staying in the city for so long, I've known tons and tons of jeepney routes like guadalupe-paco and perdigon-nagtahan. Where they pass through and where'd they take you; say when you ride the Paco Jeep, you get off paco and get to makati by riding the guadalupe jeep.. I knew main roads: Quirino, Aurora, R Magsaysay... Nagtahan connects quirino and r magsaysay, and if you'd go beyond R Magsaysay from Nagtahan, you'll get straight to Lacson... minor roads, even eskinitas like Dominga and the one parallel to Legards, that connects Mendiola to Baste... Fly overs along edsa, how to get to NLEX or SLEX... Damn I forgot to say that I used to see SLEX in a daily basis back in my High School and Grade School days..

I love commuting...
And I would also love to drive, and discover easier shortcuts to help me navigate through this city. And the countryside. :)

Lack of Sleep

It always happens. When I lack the ample amount of sleep, I end up straining my eyes for nonsense. What with trying to mechanically construct sentences that speak of nothing? What with mechanically typing from a mind whose thoughts are in an immersion in a sea of doubt, anxiety and cluelessness?

Inside my mind is a cloud of uncertainty  I cannot describe. I wish to find clarity but I can't seem to manage. I want to go somewhere but I do not have the directions on how to get there. Only left with a lot of time wasted figuring out ways to move, I feel stuck at a certain crossroad not knowing which way to go. I know where I want to go but the paths all seems the same! It's either I feel boxed out or what.

In this predicament, I find myself as the only solution to my dilemmas. I only need time but for some reasons, I choose not to spend it for thinking. Hay... I want to give my mind a rest. Summer is over and I haven't prepared for the next season...

For the mean time, I just want to surround myself with people who can tolerate me and ride with the limitless eccentricities that I can manifest. I wish for no one to attempt imposing things on me, for which I have been exhausted my entire life.

Let me set my spirit free.
Allow me to let things be.

Anxious.
Deliberately getting off track.

Maybe it was the inability to function wholly, healthily.
Maybe it was just the lack of sleep.

Identify the things that are, and the things that are just merely...
a state of mind.